my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
