i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
