so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
