After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
