the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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