So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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