I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
