thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
