You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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