good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
