am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
