do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
