Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
