yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
