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i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
