i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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