I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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