I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
