so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
