she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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