No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
