no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
