Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He has the fingertips of a God
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