she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
