You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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