So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hippo gnu deer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
