Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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