i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
