my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
