dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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