I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
