Jerry, you need to find god
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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