dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
