my mouth tastes like poor choices
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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