i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
