Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
