well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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