census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
