You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
