i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
