Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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