By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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