wat bout pragnant strippers??
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
