Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
