i was rollin on her like bob the builder
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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