chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
