Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
