I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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