i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
