I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
