so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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