hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
