Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
