They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
