I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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